Thursday, July 31, 2008

No Pun Intended

We hate hearing puns, yet we love saying puns.

When we hear a pun, we think, "oh man, how lame." However, when we say a pun, we think we're clever. Usually a smirk follows the end of the pun sentence, and to make ourselves feel more clever, we add the phrase, "no pun intended."

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Democrats, Republicans? I say bring back the Whigs

Have you ever met an extreme republican and thought to yourself, "wow, that guy has no compassion for people who aren't straight, white, protestant males."

Then you take a walk and you see a democratic person with a binder collecting monthly donations for some cause and you think to yourself, "I'm a struggling college kid, and this guy expects me to pay $20 a month to save a desolate rainforest?"

We really need a third party. A third party that contains the sane thoughts of both parties and discards wack though. I realize that we have Green parties, Libertarian parties, and Donald Duck parties, but no candidate from those parties will be president. They aren't participating in the debates or raising lots of money. We're stuck with two choices.

I slightly favor democrats, but it's not like I go ga-ga over democrats. On multiple choice tests, we choose the answer A through D. While choosing the next president, we get A and B and a G, H, and I that aren't even an option on a scantron sheet. I would like to have a C, a D, and the occasional E.

Other presidential tidbits:

Interesting fact. The only two nominated Whig party members died in office.

Personal dream. I would love to see our candidates don the powdered wig. Could you imagine Barack wearing a powdered wig? Could you see John McCain going to a hair stylists and asking for curly extentions?

What's your favourite presidential style? The old-school powdered wigs? The long, scruffy beards? Or the current clean shaven, nicely cropped hair?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Correlation Between Furniture and Pictures

I have a photo album that contains a plethora of pictures from my early childhood during the 80s. Many of those photos contain “the couch.” Anyone who grew up in the 70s and 80s know what couch I’m talking about. It’s that dim, grungy brown, yellow, orange meshed couch that resided in every house in America during those decades.

After noticing the bad haircut, the dorky clothes, and the couch all contained in one memory-sake picture, I observed the actual quality of the picture itself. The picture is of a rather dim, grungy, brown, yellow, orange meshed quality. I then came to an epiphany! Furniture and photography have parallel progressions.

In the 90s, we traded in that worn-out couch with patches on the cushion for a new couch that contained a flappable armrest. Once the armrest cushion was flapped upward, a secret cup holder was revealed. Pictures at this time became a little clearer as zoom-in features and better flashes were readily available to the average consumer.

During our present decade, we started becoming hip with our furniture. We now want to show the world that not only can we enjoy sitting, but we can sit on an artistic piece of furniture. Sometimes we even question whether it is appropriate to sit down when this couch really belongs on display at a museum! Yes, I’m talking about the Ikea rage.

Similarly, our cameras are now digitalized. We can preview our pictures. We can take the same picture five times until finally “Brad” learns how to time the flash. Not only can we preview our pictures, but we can upload pictures on to a computer and create a myriad of cool photoshop creations. Our pictures are now artistic. Perhaps the pictures also belong in a museum on an end table next to the Ikea couch.

All this truly fascinates me. Really, I don’t see where we can improve on photography and furniture. I am, however, excited to see what the next decade brings. Perhaps, the brains of picture quality and control can figure out how to remove the “thumb” in most of my pictures in my photo album.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Comparing the All-Star Teams with VORP

The All-star teams have been announced, so I want to see if they got it right.

So the rules are:

I determine the line-ups using VORP.

I take ten starting pitchers and two relief pitchers (starters do more work so should deserve the merits). I take (at least) two position players for each position. Unless there is a position that isn't worthy of two positions, I'll make adjustments. I don't take one player for each team, however, usually every team has at least one all-star worthy player.

AL All-Star Team:

Grady Sizmore
Josh Hamilton
JD Drew

Milton Bradley

Kevin Youkilis

Ian Kinsler

Michael Young

Alex Rodriguez

Joe Mauer


Jermaine Dye
Johnny Damon*
Carlos Quentin
Manny Ramirez
*Ichiro Suzuki replaces the injured Damon.

Jason Giambi

Brian Roberts

Derek Jeter

Evan Longoria

AJ Pierzynski

Cliff Lee (starter)
John Danks
Roy Halladay
Justin Duchscherer
Shaun Marcum
Jon Lester
John Lackey
Rich Harden
Mariano Rivera
Joakim Soria

Here is how the AL all-star team looks:


C: Joe Mauer - correct
1b: Kevin Youkilis - correct
2b: Dustin Pedroia - Kinsler is the fifth best player in major league baseball acc to vorp. Pedroia is having a good year though. Still. Fifth best player in MLB.
SS: Derek Jeter - He's the second best short stop in the AL. In the NL, he ranks behind Clint Barmes. Seriously. But he is an all-star so not horrible.
3b: Alex Rodriguez - correct
OF: Josh Hamilton - correct
OF: Manny Ramirez - JD Drew and Grady Sizemore are having better years. Manny is an all-star so not horrible.
OF: Ichiro Suzuki - He's not an all-star. However, he would replace Johnny Damon on the team as an injury replacement. So in the end he would be an all-star just not a starter.
DH: Milton Bradley replacing injured David Ortiz

Sizemore is the ninth best player in MLB acc to VORP. Kinsler is the best player in the AL. Seriously.

Jason Varitek, Justin Morneau, Ian Kinsler, Michael Young, Joe Crede, JD Drew, Grady Sizemore, Carlos Quentin, Dioner Navarro, and Carlos Guillen.

Varitek, Morneau, and Crede shouldn't have made the team. But the only people that really got screwed were Jason Giambi and Jermaine Dye.

Cliff Lee, Roy Halladay, Scott Kazmir, Joe Saunders, Ervin Santana, Francisco Rodriguez, Jonathon Papelbon, Mariano Rivera, Justin Duch, George Sherrill, Joakim Soria. Those pitchers are fine. I mean, most of these guys that made the team are close enough VORP wise to the people I had making it. But John Danks got the royal screw job. He's the second best pitcher in the AL.

The NL All-star team according to VORP:

Matt Holliday
Pat Burrell
Jason Bay

Lance Berkman (best player in baseball)

Chase Utley

Hanley Ramirez (third best player in baseball)

Chipper Jones (second best player in baseball)

Brian McCann

Albert Pujols (fourth best player in baseball)


Nate Mclouth
Carlos Lee
Xavier Nady (what's with the pirates and really good outfielders?)

Adrian Gonzalez

Dan Uggla

Jose Reyes
Rafael Furcal

David Wright

Russell Martin

Tim Lincecum (starter, best pitcher in baseball. And to think, baseball tonight experts and the inept giants organization were thinking of putting him in the bullpen last year)
Ben Sheets
Dan Haren
Cole Hamels
Edinson Volquez
Carlos Zambrano
Tim Hudson
Aaron Cook
Johan Santana
Jake Peavy
Brad Lidge
Francisco Cordero

Here's how the NL all-star team is as it stands:

C: Geovanny Soto - He's the third best catcher. Not horrendous, but McCann is one of the top 20 hitters in MLB and the best catcher.

1b: Lance Berkman - Best player in baseball.

2b: Chase Utley - correct

SS: Hanley Ramirez - correct

3b: Chipper Jones - correct

OF: Ryan Braun - He's having a good year, but the weird thing is the Pirates outfielders are dominating.

OF: Alfonso Soriano - overrated.

OF: Kosuke Fukodome - I'm surprised he isn't one of the top six NL outfielders. I think he deserves to make it, but according to numbers, he just misses it.


Russell Martin, Adrian Gonzalez, Dan Uggla, Aramis Ramirez, Miguel Tejada, Nate Mclouth, Ryan Ludwick, Brian McCann, Cristian Guzman, and Albert Pujols.

I feel bad for Pat Burrell. Overall the position players look good.


Brandon Webb, Edinson Volquez, Tim Lincecum, Ben Sheets, Ryan Dempster, Brad Lidge, Kerry Wood, Brian Wilson, Aaron Cook, Billy Wagner, Dan Haren, and Carlos Zambrano.

The only problem I have is Brian Wilson. He's horrible. Really bad. Saves are overrated. Look at his ERA. 4.37 ERA. 98 ERA+. For a relief pitcher! His WHIP is 1.4!!!

Look at it!!

Cole Hamels should be outraged!! He's the third best pitcher in the NL. As for everyone else, they're fine. Most of those pitchers are lumped in with the Tim Hudsons of the world.

Overall, an very good job. Except Brian Wilson over Cole Hamels. The Giants have their representative in Tim "nl cy young" Lincecum!!!!!! Who would you rather put in the game? Brian Wilson or Cole Hamels? Exactly.